What Will You Stop Doing and What Will You Start Doing?

This year, try something new. 

Identify one thing you plan to STOP doing in 2012 and identify one thing you plan to START doing in 2012.  That’s it.

You might think that sounds way too simplistic and you are letting yourself off too easily but let’s say you plan to STOP smoking this year and you plan to START cooking one homemade meal per week.  Think about how those two changes will really impact your overall well-being?  If you commit to those two things and are successful at them, you will have made terrific changes in your life.

So….I ask you.  What is the one thing you will STOP doing in 2012 and the one thing you will START doing?

Pink Roses With Love

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day here in North America.  It’s a day where it’s suggested we spend time celebrating our love.  We often buy cards and gifts for our special someone.  Flowers and chocolates are among the most popular of items along with sexual items such as lingerie and toys.  Lovers arrange to go out together for a special dinner or a movie or perhaps spending a quiet, romantic evening at home, surrounded by love songs and candlelight.  Sounds lovely doesn’t it?

Some cynics out there suggest Valentine’s Day is nothing but a marketing ploy for flower and card shops to make money.  That we should be showing love to our special someone’s each and every day, not just one day of the year. 

Well, I would agree with them.  But I’d also take it one step further.  You should love yourself each and every day.

This sounds so strange doesn’t it?  That’s because as a culture, we are told to put others first, to treat others with kindness and to not take ourselves too seriously.  But remember this, the best way to love others is to love yourself first!

So how does one love themselves?  Seriously? 

I’ve been asked this question by some of my clients.  I’m not surprised actually, because it is so foreign to us to think in these terms.  But really, loving yourself simply means being kind to yourself by doing things that bring you pleasure.

Looking back at what some of the more common things couple’s do on Valentine’s Day may give us some ideas.  For example, treating ourselves to flowers or candy (not too much).  Or cooking a nice dinner for ourselves and lighting some candles.  Or treating ourselves by wearing sexy lingerie or buying a ‘special’ magazine.  It doesn’t really matter what we do just as long as it’s something that’s important to us.

For me it can be as simple as pouring myself a cup of tea or reading a novel instead of a business book.  Or it’s deciding not to write a blog on my Valentine’s Day and doing something special with someone else. 

Whatever it is, remember to ‘love yourself’ by doing the things that make you feel good.  Then you’ll have lots of love to share with others.

Treating Yourself

Every client I had this week had one thing in common:  They all felt the need to incorporate more exercise into their lives but hadn’t figured out quite how to do it.

As the Nike motto goes…..”Just Do It!”

That’s what we must do about exercise.  It’s not something we have to plan.  In fact, it’s probably best NOT to plan.  It’s the planning part that often gets us stuck.

We plan on joining a gym.  We spend the time researching into which gym. 

Then once we find the right gym and we join it, we then plan when we can go to it. 

Did you know the reason gyms survive is because they are counting on their customers not going to them?  If each of their customers actually used their memberships, they wouldn’t possibly have enough equipment to support everyone.  Rather, they count on people to set out these great intentions and never follow-thru on them.

So stop planning your exercise and just do it! 

Of course it would be nice to be able to look back on your week and say I worked out at the gym 3x’s this week.  But which is better - spending time planning this out and not ever getting around to doing it or simply stop planning and start acting?

How about you don’t worry how much exercise you will do and just commit today to move. 

“Today, I’m going to go for a walk with my kids/dog/friend/ipod”. 

“Will I go for a walk 3x’s this week?”…..Who knows.  What I do know is I’m going for a walk today. 

Tomorrow, I’ll decide what my body feels like doing and will commit to something then.

That’s one thing you can count on.  Your body.  Your body wants to move!  It is designed to move.  If you stop and tune into it, you’ll know what it feels like doing.  Maybe it’s stretches it wants to do today.  Maybe it’s some cardio.  Maybe your heart is screaming to be felt pounding in your chest!  Perhaps it’s your legs that are twitching for movement.  Listen and act.  Listen and act.

You don’t have to commit to a specific time or a specific day.  What’s important is that you move – every day.  Just do that and you’ll begin to feel better – instantly.  You’ll look back on your week and see you’ve incorporated exercise into your schedule and voila – you’ve begun to accomplish your goal.

I myself just came back from a two hour walk with a friend and her dog and had a great time.  Before I left I had a little voice going off in my head suggesting it’s too cold outside to go for a walk but my body was telling me - no, go outside, I want to move.  I moved and I’m glad I did!

Remember – Just Do It!

Change.

It’s amazing.  Over the years I have studied many different change models.  I’ve taught change management courses in both the corporate world and to individuals.  I’ve witnessed people go through tremendous change (including myself) and could pinpoint exactly where they are on each of these change cycle models.  And yet, all of my logic, knowledge and experience seem to fly out the window as soon as I myself encounter a major change.

I caught myself in the middle of an emotional spin-cycle (a Martha Beck coaching term) this week because something I had been planning on fell through.  The good news is, I caught myself.  I wasn’t there for very long before I realized what I was doing and was able to stop the spin.  It still amazes me though that I could even fall into the spin in the first place.  Was I not listening to my good old sound advise that I’ve been giving to people for so many years?  Could I not prevent myself from falling into the common pitfalls?  The answer – no, I couldn’t.

Why I ask?  Because I’m human.  (Whew…..that’s  a relief in itself!!)  Just because I know how the model works doesn’t mean I’m not going to experience it.  But, what I can do and did do, was MANAGE the process.  I began to quickly recognize what I was doing and I was able to put a stop to my emotions flying everywhere.  Essentially doing exactly as I had suggested in the article.  Taking steps to manage through the change.  The change still happened, the emotions began to fly as a result of the change  but my actions prevented me from getting too caught up in the spin-cycle.

That’s the wonderful thing about coaching.  Just when you think you’ve got it figured out, you realize you don’t.  These things happen to me too!

Have you ever felt overwhelmed?  Have you ever felt like your ‘to do’ list never has an end?  Do you sometimes feel like you have so much to do you don’t know where to start so you just don’t start?  Perhaps instead you decide to roll-over and catch a few more zzz’s, only to wake up later and feel even worse than you did before because your ‘to do’ list is still there.

If so, it’s time to stop the madness I say!

Maybe the problem is you actually do have too much on your ‘to do’ list which is why you are feeling so overwhelmed.  If that’s the case, start taking action by following these simple steps:

1)      Begin by looking at your list and identifying the tasks by category.  Some categories you might want to consider are:  administration, housekeeping, children, yard work, home maintenance, organization, well-being, learnings.  Once you have identified your categories, group your tasks into them.

2)      Next, begin to identify which categories you can outsource and which ones MUST be done by you.  This is where people get tripped up.  They think things like “no one else can do it as well as I can” or “yah right – and where is the money going to come from for me to pay someone to do this?” or “it will take more time for me to show someone how to do it than for me to do it myself” or my favourite, “there’s something wrong with me if I can’t do it all myself.”

I’ll address each of these separately. 

• First, no one else can do it as well as you can.  Well, this may in fact be true.  However, the question is, are you doing it now?  If it’s remaining on your ‘to do’ list because you never seem to be able to get to it, then perhaps having someone else do it, although maybe not as well, will be better than not having it done at all.

• Second, where’s the money going to come from to pay for someone else to do this?  Think outside the box a little for this one.  What can you offer someone in exchange for their help?  (Bartering is what used to happen before money was invented.)

Still, you may think, “Well if I had time to offer them my services, I’d have time to do xyz.” 

Maybe, but, maybe not. 

Sometimes, when it’s a skill we have that we are using, we can do things much quicker than when we try applying a skill we don’t have.  For example, maybe you enjoy gardening and could offer fresh veggies to someone in return for someone else to clean out and organize your garage?  I know a bookkeeper who has offered her services to me in exchange for free coaching.  Someone else I know just hired a student to do a couple of days worth of filing.  The cost was peanuts to them and it offered them such a relief to get it off their plate.

• Third, it will take me longer to train someone than it will for me to do it myself.  This may be true if you needed to do this task only once.  However, if it’s a task you will need to do again in the future, it will probably save you time to invest in the short-term, training someone how to do it for the long-term benefit of them continuing to do it.

• There is something wrong with me if I can’t do everything myself.  This is just crazy talk.  Who does everything themselves?  Do you clean your own chimney?  Create your own computer programs?  Fix your own ailments?  Write your own Wills?  NO ONE does everything themselves.  You don’t need to be The Queen of England to have a ‘team’ of folks to rely on.  If you think about it, I’m sure you already have a number of team members – Accountants, Lawyers, Doctors, Hair Stylists, Dentists, Vets, Babysitters, Dry Cleaners.  Why is it ok to rely on someone else to do things some of the time, but not all of the time?

Perhaps because you feel it’s ok to rely on others if you don’t have the necessary skill set but if you do have the skill, you yourself should do the work?  Well, here’s the thing.  None of us are good at everything we can do.  Sure, we may be able to clean our own house but are you good at it?  Do you enjoy it?  If you don’t, then why not pass it onto someone else who does enjoy it and therefore can probably do it faster and better than you can?  There is no shame in this.  It just makes good sense.

Go through each of the items you have identified as something that can be outsourced and get creative on how to make this happen.   The old saying, “where there’s a will, there’s a way”, applies here.

3)      Look at the items left on your ‘to do’ list that only you can do and identify the quickest and easiest tasks.  Do these first.  Crossing something off of your to do list will feel good and will help you move forwards.

4)      Now for the bigger tasks left on your ‘to do’ list.  The first thing to do is start the task.  Start it by breaking it down into smaller tasks.  Once you’ve identified smaller tasks, break those smaller tasks down – again.  In fact, you may need to do this three or four or five times before you get them into manageable tasks.  Dr. Martha Beck, the Oprah Winfrey Show Life Coach who I trained with, refers to these as “turtle steps”.  For example, Martha told me the other day she was feeling stuck about editing her soon-to-be released new book.  She decided to break the task down by committing to edit for only 15 minutes that day.  The following day she did the same thing.  Guess what?  It worked.  She started working on something that from the onset looked too daunting to take on.  However, breaking it down into smaller turtle steps allowed her to (i) make a commitment and (ii) complete her commitment for the day and check it off of her ‘to do’ list.  Yes, tomorrow it will appear on the ‘to do’ list again, but her commitment for the day has been met and she is that much further ahead of getting it off of her ‘to do’ list for good.  Try it yourself.

I walked myself through these steps earlier this week.  I was feeling overwhelmed with everything that I was trying to do so I began by looking at my list and deciding what I really needed to be doing and what I could outsource.  I was surprised to find out just how much I had on my list that could be outsourced considering I pride myself to be a good delegator (just ask some of my former employees!!)  Once I did this, I immediately found a sense of relief knowing that I didn’t have to do EVERYTHING that’s on my list.  Even though I hadn’t sorted out who I was going to outsource all my outsourced items to, I still felt relief knowing that my actual personal ‘to do’ list was much smaller now.

So try it out…..you might surprise yourself just how good at this you can get.  Once you master it at home, try it in the workplace.  Ladies in particular, look around and learn from your male colleagues.   Chances are, they are already doing this in the workplace and maybe even at home (has your husband ever delegated to you?) and they’re considered a success by their boss!

I bring this up as a follow-up from my last week’s blog on setting goals for ourselves.  Did you perhaps read my blog and think to yourself at the time, “Oh yah, that’s a good idea, I should set some goals for this year and this decade”, now only to find yourself a week later not having taken the time to even give this idea some more thought?

That’s what happens in life, especially nowadays when time does move at the speed of a click, a blink of an eye (enough time for an electronic billboard to change), a passing of a bus.  Just think about how fast the speed of information is at our finger tips compared to even 10 years ago prior to the introduction of a Blackberry?  Long are the days passed since the Pony Express was around, promising to deliver mail in 24 days (yes, days!).

OK, so what’s my point?  My point is that time does travel faster nowadays than ever before and therefore, it’s all the more crucial that we do set goals and priorities to ensure we remain focused on what’s important to us.  Otherwise, everyone else’s agenda and demands will creep in and take over our precious time. 

That’s my point.  Time can go by soooooo quickly.  We could find ourselves reading a blog similar to this, this time next year, with a whole year having slipped by and we still haven’t gotten around to writing out our goals for the year/decade.  Stop the madness now I say.  Begin to think about those goals and write them down.  The sooner you think them and write them, the sooner you can begin acting on them and achieving them.  Then, by this time next year, you can read a blog like this and feel good knowing that you did take control of your own time and have something to show for it, (even though you still may not know the answer to, where did the time go?)!

Think about the past 10 years.  Have they been great 10 years?  Have you achieved lots of the things you wanted to achieve?  If so, I bet it’s because somewhere along the line, you had a plan.  If not, perhaps you didn’t have a plan, you lived your life day-by-day, taking life in as it comes.  If that’s the case, maybe you might want to consider having a plan for this next one.  Considering the average person will see less than 10 decades in their life time, it’s kind of important that we get these right because we don’t have a lot of do-over chances. 

So how does one plan ahead for 10 years when it seems it’s difficult to plan for the next day?  Well for starters, your plan needs to be a big plan, focusing less on the details and more on the expected outcomes.  It’s true, life does throw curve balls that we can’t possibly plan for.  If your plan is big picture enough, these curve balls will have room to circle around and still allow you to meet your big plans.  For example, lets say right now you find yourself single and you would like to have a family “one day”.  Well, rather than saying “one day”, plan that within the next 10 years, your focus will be on having that family.  In doing so, it makes it easier to plan out everything else you do.  You may decide to participate in more social activities, take up new hobbies, join new clubs in the coming year(s) to help meet new people.  Or lets say your focus will be on your career.  In which case you may decide to enroll in higher levels of education or participate in some workshops or take steps in changing jobs.  Whatever it is, knowing what you want to work towards helps you put things into perspective whenever you are faced with decisions to make regarding your life.

So, now that I’ve written about making a 10 year plan, I’m going to figure out how in 10 years time, I will be somewhere warm and south so that I don’t have to shovel the white stuff which has just fallen outside!  That is what I’ll be working towards over the next 10 years.

Have fun with your plan and remember to dream big……only your imagination limits your potential!

What prompted this blog is the fact that I found myself at home a lot more this past summer as I decided to take the summer off to recharge my batteries and focus on building my coaching career.  This time spent out of the “rat race” has been very, very precious to me as it’s been absolutely years since I was off during the summer.   Besides the one or two week’s vacation I would fit in (and never consecutively), I believe the last time I was off during the summer was when I was 12 years old.  After that, I began a full-time babysitting job (and I’m not kidding when I say full-time) which took me through high school.  Then, when in University, I worked every summer to pay for my tuition.  I’m not complaining really, because when you don’t know what you are missing, it doesn’t negatively affect you.

Now that I’m working from home, I’ve begun to discover things that I hadn’t realized before.  Like for example, not everyone is attached to a 9 to 5 job.  (In coaching, we refer to our “everyone” as the people we often refer to, when in fact, our everyone turns out to be usually 6 to 12 people at most, if any at all.  You know, like, “everyone thinks I’m fat”, kind of thing.)  Anyway, back to my most recent everyone.  I guess I always assumed most everyone, worked a 9 to 5 job like I did (more like 8-7) or some version of it.  What I’m discovering, is I’m surrounded by people each and every day who don’t appear to be in a 9 to 5 job.  If they are, then many of my neighbours are either notoriously late for work, call in ‘sick’ and continue to do things around their houses or they have TONS more vacation than I ever did.  Instead, what I think is happening, is I’m starting to realize that not “everyone” is married to a 9 to 5 job like I was and that there are many, many different possibilities out there for people to make a living (and a decent living from what I can see) without having to check in the office for 9 a.m. 

How interesting and how liberating is this to know!  So for all you Entrepreneurs in hiding out there, keep this in mind if you decide one day to reinvent yourself but are afraid to join the unknown underground who live outside of the 9 to 5 cycle.  It truly does exist and appears to be thriving!!